All I want for Christmas is you......
IT's been a minute, but I've made it through. The sunshine and rain, heartache and pain. So why am I filled with sadness, anxiety this morning? Well, let's call a spade a spade.....It's GREIF rearing it ugly head. Grief shows up in so many different ways such as stress, being overwhelmed, tiredness. But God has put me in position to recognize what I'm feeling and deal with it head on. God thank you for my tribe that won't let us be lonely, you all have shown up physically, spiritually, emotionally! I feel so blessed! Darren was so blessed. Lord I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU. I miss my son immensely , but as I sit in his room I have God's peace and the promises that he bestowed! Darren is playing in God's eternal playground and I am so proud and happy for him because I don't know of anyone who is more deserving of God's healing and perfect peace! Christmas was our thing, Darren made it so exciting to gift and decorate, what a joy it was to be his mom and friend. Christmas just doesn't feel the same and that's okay. It has only been 1 month since we lost our 11 year old superhero. Today I ask that you hold your loved ones a little tighter! Be grateful. Be kind. Be PRESENT! Show up not only for yourselves but your people. Your people need you! Let's all say a prayer because we are all hurting and grieving something or someone! I would like to share a letter I wrote to Darren as part of my Eulogy at Darren's Celebration of life! Happy Merry Christmas Eve Darren I love you beyond the flesh, the spirit to the heavens and past time!
Darren, I am so honored you chose me. I have always told you that you were special; special because you were born of my heart. You encompassed a place in my heart and soul that I never knew existed and I couldn’t be prouder. I am still in awe even today of your sheer strength, determination, tenacity and that smile! Darren your smile could single handed turn the day around; it was a source of light in dark moments, that my son was your superpower. Through your smile, you inspired, you gave hope, you reassured that this journey was possible, you did all of that with your smile. Tough like Darren, that statement seems so underwhelming for someone like you. 4-year-old rock climber, Traumatic brain injury survivor, 15 surgeries, 10 ICU visits and countless hospitalizations and you were grateful and smiled to the end. To see you “the comeback kid” in action inspired me. The betrayal of your body didn’t stop you; you pushed yourself to take steps and started to walk again, you danced and Darren you danced well. Your love for food captured my own heart and spun into mommy and me dates, (sometime we let dad come) , But those chocolate coins your GIGI discovered, those chocolate coins brought out a smile and a level of cooperation eyes had never witnessed and ears have never heard, what you and Gigi shared was magical. Darren, you made up songs with Grams, Danced with Papa John, was mischievous with PawPaw, played possum with your TITI Carla so she couldn’t get your kisses, ate with anyone who would feed you, learned at Lowrance with the 3 amigas, you crushed hard on and met Princess Tiana with your cousin Madi, got affection from Granny, laugh with Dad (and all of his bad jokes). Darren, you were a role model to your little brother and embarrassingly enough you beat me at thumb war more times than I can remember. Darren, you made memories and they will never die. I am a superhero’s mom, I am Darren’s mom and for that I am eternally grateful, thankful, and changed. Merry Christmas to all! The Taylor family Christmas will be different this year because God Said No; but his grace and mercy is sufficient and endures forever. Bye Yall.