So, this morning Jaxon and I had an appointment for a swallow study (Jaxon takes everything by G-tube). I never think twice about taking Jax to an appointment because that's what I do. However, this was different, I knew we were going to fail. How did I know? Well, 1st we are struggling with getting speech therapy. Because Jaxon didn't have a suck or swallow when he was born due to his brain injury, this has to become a learned behavior. With parents whose training is coming from YouTube and trial and error he just hasn't learned, nor showed any interest!
Failure is scary, the fear of feeling unprepared or judged because a milestone is not being met is stressful! So, why show up for something when you know failure is imminent? Let's just stay home and hang out Jax, it's no use right?!? WRONG! What if God abandoned us because he knew we would fail! Mind blown. God is teaching me how to be a parent through his parental and unconditional love for me. He shows up everyday whether I get it right or wrong, deserving or not. He loves us all just that much.
Jaxon failed but I'm not giving up on him. We will keep fighting until we figure it out. My advocating for him is kicking up a notch! Jaxon your parents will love you and support you through this, so in 6 months when we do this again, the success will mean so much more because we showed up from the very beginning. God supplied me grace today through this failure and has shown me see the beauty in showing up! A+ for effort Jax, now let's get to work! Chin up, shoulders back, invisible superhero cape tied, we will knock this challenge out and continue to show God's still performing miracles.
P.S. We got to see and share what we've been up to with our favorite NICU Chaplin and that in itself was a win!