Being a Mama is hard. There is no handbook even though there are now thousands of books about motherhood. No 2 motherhoods are the same. I have 2 sons. However, how I mother them is completely different. That has brought me so much guilt. Am I loving one of them more than the other. Am I still present with Darren even though Jaxon requires so much? Can I divide my time equally? No, NO, NO! It's never going to be the same because each child has their own unique set of needs. I am here to tell you mama's that's okay. A loved child is the best child. If you are giving what you have then you are doing the best you can!
I want to talk about my own experience with my mother! I have always appreciated Regina (I am sooo going to get in trouble for calling her Regina, but it's fun :)) however, I never could quite understand her journey. My mother had me young. There was no playbook or handbook! The life we led at that time was poverty and if you never knew better you would think that it was okay, the norm even.
My MOTHER wanted more for me. I won't tell her story because it's hers to tell, but I can tell what I experienced. My mother graduated High School and went to college to afford me a better life. Not only did she complete her degree, she did it 4x. FOUR. My mother has 4 degrees. She was the first in the family to graduate from college. She fought to give me something she never had. I will never know all the struggles, late nights, loneliness, and sadness she has gone through, but I do know at this point in my life my admiration for her has grown leaps and bounds.
Recently, people have been telling me how strong and brave I am. I reply swiftly with the response of "God, has given me everything I need." Today, I look deeper; he has given me everything I needed starting with you. You showed me how to never give up. Even starting off in the negative you can make a change in your life. Never accept good enough, keep fighting. I have learned from watching you that it's not where you start, but all about the journey and hard work it takes to get there. Mom, you are a warrior, the true definition of strength and because of that I can give myself to my family and now the world and be strong and courageous. Mom, I am so proud of you! The bravery it took to have me and to continuously do things you have never seen done, to beat the path so I would have footprints to follow. You give everything you have and then you give some more. Even when you do not know how to show up for me, you still show up! There has never been a time that I needed support and you were not there! I have often told her what she didn't do or give, but BABEE my MAMA gave and continues to give me and my little family everything she has! She has shown me the power of love. If she never tells me she loves me again, I will always know because she always has my back. We are Thelma and Louis. Regina you are the bees knees! God has given me everything I needed for this journey he called me on and it started with him giving me you as my mother! I hope one day I can make you so proud and give you back half of what you have put into and given me! I salute you mom for being everything you could for me, for never giving up and paving the way! Y'all my mom is beautiful and she has a beautiful soul; I am so lucky for 40 weeks I was able to grow under her heart and will forever have a piece because she is my MOM! I can be the mom I am today because of Regina! I can advocate for Darren and Jaxon and give them everything they require because of Regina! I am strong enough to do what God couldn't give to anyone else because of Regina!
This week's challenge is to not only tell the woman/women in your life who has loved on you what they mean to you. Show them. Nothing extravagant just maybe a handwritten note, a flower, their favorite snack. Show them, you cannot assume they know, they need to feel it. I have several great women in my life and I am actively doing so since Sunday with my Sistas and it was so fun.
As I repeat this mantra I think about all the times and struggles my mom endured and I am speaking to her now cheering her on:
Chin up, shoulders back, invisible superhero cape tied. I am because you are!
Happy Mother's Day to all my beautiful Mama's out there doing your thing!! You are awesome!
See you on YouTube tonight!