I'm burnt! Burnt out! I woke up overwhelmed and over anxious this morning. Unfortunately this feels very familiar, although I have not felt this in a while I remember all too well what this feels like. I can tell God has really been working and dwelling within me because it took a lot to get me here. Friday due to improper install of a washing machine by a big box corporation our home flooded. Destroyed our flooring and some of our items, but I still had joy! I believed that it would be ratified and all would be fine. Saturday, Mom and I had the best time I've had all year!! It felt so good to hang out with my favorite girl!!!
But on Saturday night Darren started to fall ill! My 1st "real" mother's day and I cleaned up throw up and stinky diapers and calmed a fussy teething baby that would not go to sleep. Come early Monday morning just like that we are back in the hospital, Darren is sick and he is needing more help! God, why?!?!? Shantrael was just getting her groove back!
The honest truth is today I'm angry. I miss my career! Miss getting up and going somewhere that was just for me! Bittersweet! I feel cheated. Cheated out of what I thought my life would be and cheated out of all the things I've worked so hard for that are now gone. Today is when God's grace really kicks in. Because y'all I ain't got it. This is what grieving truly looks like, day to day minute to minute the highs and lows, ups and downs. Feel it, all of it. Tough times don't last tough people do! When it's all said and done I'm still here, still fighting , still refusing to give up!