Jaxon Bradley Taylor

To my Sweetest Jaxon,

Today is seven months.

Seven.

The number of completion.

And somehow, that feels fitting because you were born in the seventh month too.

I've been sitting here thinking about you all day. Looking through pictures. Smiling. Crying. Laughing at some of the things only you and I would understand.

And I realized I've never written you a love letter.

So here we are.

Jaxon, you were the best thing I've ever done.

You changed my life on 7/25, and then you changed it again on 11/22.

One day made me your mommy.

The other day forced me to figure out how to be your mommy without being able to hold your hand.

I won't lie, I still don't like that part.

It's not that I struggle with grieving you.

I just miss everything about you.

I miss your smell.

I miss your energy.

I miss looking in the backseat and seeing my favorite wingman back there.

I miss our routines.

I miss our shenanigans.

I miss doing life with you.

And Jaxon, we really did life together.

Baby, we packed a whole lot of living into 1,947 days.

We went places.

We met people.

We made memories.

You left your fingerprints everywhere.

And what I love most is that people saw you.

Not because of what you faced.

Not because of the obstacles.

Not because of the labels.

They saw you.

The funny thing is, I never really saw you the way the world did.

To the world, special needs was part of your story.

To me, you were simply SPECIAL.

You were Jaxon Bradley 7/25/2020.

That's it.

That's all you ever had to be.

You.

And somehow that was enough to change all of us.

I think I took for granted how many times you defied the odds.

How many times you fought your way back.

How many times you showed everybody that they underestimated you.

Maybe that's why I thought we'd do it again.

One more time.

One more miracle.

One more comeback.

Because that's who you were.

You kept showing up.

You kept fighting.

You kept teaching all of us what perseverance looked like.

You taught me that.

You taught me how to fight.

You taught me how to keep going when things don't make sense.

You taught me that joy and hard things can exist in the same space.

You taught me more than you'll ever know.

God met me in a room with you one day, and neither one of us left that room the same.

I didn't know then what God was building.

I didn't know what God Said No would become.

I didn't know how many people your life would touch.

I didn't know how many people would know your name.

But God knew.

And looking back now, I can see it.

Jaxon, your life was not in vain.

Not one second of it.

Not one hospital stay.

Not one hard day.

Not one victory.

Not one setback.

None of it was wasted.

Your life mattered.

Your life still matters.

And I promise you, as long as I have breath in my body, I will make sure people know that.

I will never forget you.

I will never forget our shenanigans.

I will never stop saying your name.

I will never stop telling people about the little boy who changed my life.

I need you to know something else too.

I birthed you.

But when you gained your wings, something else was birthed inside of me because of you.

Something stronger.

Something braver.

Something more intentional.

Something that refuses to quit.

And while I wish more than anything that you were still here beside me, I need you to know that I'm going to be okay.

Not today.

Not every day.

But eventually.

Because why wouldn't I be?

Our relationship simply changed addresses.

I am the mom of Darren.

I am the mama Lion of Jaxon Bradley Taylor.

I am Nolin's mommy.

I come from fighters.

And I was raised by one.

Your brother told me you were happy.

Nolin said, "Jaxon is happy."

And out of all the things I've heard these last seven months, I think that brought your Dad the most peace.

Because if you're happy, then one day I'll get there too.

I've got some work to do first.

I've got people to help.

I've got stories to tell.

I've got a life to live.

And I promise you this:

I will give every day my best.

I will keep showing up.

I will keep loving.

I will keep laughing.

I will keep living.

And I will not stop until I hear, "Well done."

Thank you for choosing me.

Thank you for trusting me.

Thank you for making me your mommy.

I love you, Jaxon Bradley Taylor.

I always will.

Love,

Mama Lion